THE TKTV NEWSLETTER
Season 2, Episode 23 aired July 15, 1999

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CONTENTS
1. Intro
2. Kim's Commercial Comments
3. Don't miss
4. TV Trivia
5. The Man Show      -by guest writer Paul Lisiak
6. Favorite quotes of the week
7. A totally unrelated link

1. Intro

Where, oh where, is the newsletter?

Well, obviously, the answer is, "Now it's in your inbox." However, until today, the answer would have been, "TK's on vacation." It's summer, we endured a ridiculous heat-wave in New York that melted the ice in my freezer, and TV is mostly in reruns. But I will try to be better about sending the newsletter out more regularly for the rest of the summer.

Even with the reruns, there have been some important TV events recently. First of all, the much-loved soap opera, "Another World," went off the air after 35 years. 35 years! It's hard to believe NBC would have the balls to cancel a 35-year-old show in favor of leaving the infant "Sunset Beach" on the air and bringing a new soap, "Passions," into existence, but somehow they did. Some of the characters from "Another World" are crossing-over to Proctor & Gamble's other soap, "As the World Turns" on CBS, and the famous Linda Dano is going to bounce around ABC daytime for awhile.

Meanwhile, "Passions," the new show from James Reilly (who made "Days of Our Lives" a freak-show earlier in the '90's) has premiered. For some reason they decided to cast almost complete unknowns in all of the roles, and although I respect that decision a lot, I really wish they'd cast complete unknowns that could actually act. It's hard for me to judge the soap when the acting is even worse than that of "Sunset Beach."

They have set up some interesting premises, however. There is a doll that turns into a little boy and there is a woman who is happily married to the chief of police, but doesn't remember 20 years of her life before she met him. I think they're reaching a little bit with the rich woman in Paris who was good friends with Princess Diana and is hounded by the paparazzi into a car accident, however. Anyway, we'll see how it does. As much as I don't like what James Reilly did with "Days of Our Lives," he did give the old show a big boost in the ratings, so perhaps he'll be able to do it again with "Passions."

More importantly to you primetime fans, the second part of the season finale of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" finally aired on the WB. They originally delayed it because of the Columbine high-school shootings. Don't worry, if you missed it I think the WB is planning on airing it again right before the fall season starts. For those of you that did see it, what did you think? Did you think it should have been delayed so long? Do think that the WB really delayed it out of sympathy for the shooting victims and their families, or was it just a good way to build the hype?

And there are important TKTV events going on as well. The TKTV Party of Five site has an exclusive interview with the new PoF executive producer, P.K. Simonds. He gives some neat insights into how the show is produced, as well as previews of the upcoming season and information about the future of the show. You can check it out at
http://partyoffive.tktv.net/index.html?/simonds1.html

Thanks to all who wished me well in Hawaii. I had a lovely five days there, and then spent 4th of July weekend with a good friend at a lake in Minnesota. Unfortunately, I couldn't even escape the heat wave there, but at least there was a lake to jump into occassionally, and there were some really spectacular thunderstorms. I must admit, I've been watching very little television this summer, but I think it's good for me. I'll be all ready for the fall season.

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2. Kim's Commercial Comments

Hello all and welcome to another segment of Kim's Commercial Comments and the start of summer. The days are longer, and sunnier, and it's so hard (even for me) to stay inside and watch television. But I have caught a few good reruns here and there, as well as new episodes of "That '70's Show." And BTW, if you're not watching it -- you're missing out.

I went to see "Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me" this weekend. And it was funny in a Bill-and-Ted sort of way. I had planned to see The General's Daughter (it was sold out) that night so I had to sort of shift gears in a hurry and try to get in the mood for that kind of humor. Just let me say this about Austin Powers and I'll stop: any man who has ever been an eleven year old boy will enjoy the opening "Honeymoon Suite" scene.

But I digress... back to television. As you read my column this week, you may think to yourself that I'm a bit crazy. I am going to be writing about a commercial I've only seen once and I'm not even entirely sure who or what the commercial is for. It's a great spot, though, so maybe if you guys have seen it, you can clue me in. Okay?

What spot has me laughing?? Cell phone?? or Trading Co??

This spot is fabulous in that it really has it's finger on the pulse of America. It's technologically savvy-- not in the way it's produced (i.e. special effects, etc), but in its content. The spot takes place inside a busy bakery/deli. A young man in a business suit is standing in the middle of the building talking on a cellular phone. In his excitement, he yells "Buy! Buy! Buy!" He's watching the action inside the bakery/deli and it's obvious that dollar signs are rolling through his mind.

The camera follows his line of sight as he checks out every aspect of the bakery/deli. He sees happy consumers, busy employees, and lots of cash changing hands. But wait a minute... what's this he sees now? A conveyor belt is loaded with lots of goodies. And there, in the middle of them all is a big, fat, RAT!

His eyes bug out! His heart sinks... He swallows hard. This is what he's just dumped his hard-earnred money into? He reaches for his cellular phone. The display reflects the stock purchase he's just made. He pushes a few buttons and the word "Sell" pops up on the display. With a simple push of the button, he looks relieved and relaxed.

He reaches the front of the line. The clerk asks if she can help him. He points to the critter and asks, "Shouldn't that mouse be wearing a hairnet?"

What spot has me cringing? Oreo O's: The Saga Continues

Okay... I get that they're tying the cereal promotion into the way they promote their cookies. But as a rule, I hate any advertising that attempts to simulate news. On top of that, these are just stupid. Give me a break already. A cow in the doghouse? "Uh... that would be our dog -- Spot." You can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes waaaaay back in my head right about now. I have a real problem with being treated like a 3rd grader.

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3. Don't miss

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4. TV Trivia

Last week's question was, "On 'Seinfeld,' who forced Elaine out of The Contest?"

Well, the winners this week are those people who actually managed to answer the question BEFORE I sent the newsletter out. I know, I know, not exactly fair, but I am impressed that these people don't even subscribe to the newsletter, but actually read it on the site while I was still having mailing problems. (Actually, I was in Hawaii blissfully unaware of my mailing problems.)

So the winners this week are Josie, Suzanne, Allan, and Jennifer G. It was JFK Jr. who forced Elaine out of The Contest.

The second place winners are the next ten people to respond with the correct answer. Congratulations to Elizabeth S., Michaela, ckstern, Tanya S., David A., MikeyJake, Tom K., Laura K., Angie B., and Lalaneya.

Okay, so we still need harder questions. This one comes from Monique. Which star of "The Practice," other than Marla Sokoloff, once guest starred on "Party of Five?" Bonus: what role did this person play on "Party of Five?"

Send answers to TK at tk@tktv.net with the subject of tvtrivia.

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5."The Man Show: building a damn to stop the flow of estrogen flooding our country" by Paul Lisiak

(My apologies to all my female friends before they read this.)

So I will be the obnoxious man who will proudly stand up and say how much I, and all my friends, love "The Man Show" on Comedy Central! Yes, its promises of "half-naked women jumping on trampolines" to start every show is enticing, but its cleverness in mocking American TV culture keeps me watching. Finally.

The show's antics claim "the airwaves" have been taken over by feminist thought (coincidence TKTV is run by a woman? I think NOT!). They attempt to prove men are the superior sex and the hosts (sidekicks from "Win Ben Stein's Money" and MTV's "Loveline") go to extremes to try to prove their point. And they definitely come pretty close. For example, on the first show, the hosts attempt to "end women's suffrage" with a public protest and petition signing. Many women (young and old) happily sign the petition, even saying into the camera "this suffrage has gone on too long." Splendid.

They also have helpful tips for home/apartment maintenance given by super models (Cindy Crawford gives advice on fixing a running toilet) and porn stars (how to make your bed so the sheets don't pop up when you are rolling around. Oh yeah, two lesbians give a quick demonstration after they fix their bed.) My favorite segment of the show is "How to be a great dad." It is a touching example of a father teaching his son math. "OK, son, what's 8+3?" "Eleven, daddy." The camera fades into a card table and a six year old boy. "Good son, and what do you with an eleven when the dealer shows six?" "Double-down, daddy." Genius.

Oh yeah, they also have the fastest beer drinker in the world as their piano man, nicknamed Fox. He must be 70 years old and can down a 12 ounce draft in less than 1.5 seconds (and he usually takes two at a time.) Stud.

Maybe it's the fact the show comes after the slap stick funny South Park, but we couldn't stop laughing...so men, buy a six pack (or two), invite over a few buddies, and enjoy your manhood with The Man Show....

And to the ladies, avoid watching this program with men you care about unless you would like to see them light farts on fire and attempt other stupid human tricks. For some reason, this show just brings out the unbridled testosterone our feminized PC BS culture oppresses on a daily basis. Then again, maybe you will love us men in our raw, unmasked, primitive state...well, at least we'll be beer goggling afterwards....

TKTV is always looking for new guest writers. Do you have an idea for an article? Write to TK at tk@tktv.net with the subject of "guestwriter."

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6. Favorite Quotes of the Week

From "That '70's Show"
"New York City is no place for a 17-year-old kid." -Red
"It's Sodom and Gomorrah...with a subway." -Kitty

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7. A totally unrelated link

The Spark's Purity Test

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We have nothing to fear but fear itself. That, and those great big furry spiders.