THE TKTV NEWSLETTER
Season 2, Episode 11 aired March 15, 1999

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CONTENTS
1. Intro
2. Letters from the viewing audience
3. Kim's Commercial Comments
4. TV Ramblings
5. Don't miss
6. Breaking Up is Hard To Do, Especially at 1am by Rebecca Howland
7. Favorite quotes of the week
8. A totally unrelated link

1. Intro

Okay, on this slushy cold morning in New York, there is only one thing on my mind. Last night my friend Shane came into town with a surprise. (Long-time viewers will remember Shane's past guest articles in the newsletter.) She wouldn't tell me what we were doing, only to wear a tank-top because it might get warm.

Shane drove into town, we had dinner, and then went to go hail a cab. Even then, she wouldn't tell me where we were going, but just gave the cabbie the address of our destination. The address we went to was 239 W. 52nd Street. 239 W. 52nd Street? I'm sure there are about two viewers right now who know what that address is. The Roseland.

The Roseland is a huge club in mid-town Manhattan. The last time I was there was in December of 1997 for the annual Bartenders' Ball. On the marquee last night were plastered the names "Soul Coughing" and "Everclear."

Okay, so I'm not a huge fan of either of these groups, but a few of my friends are serious "Soul Coughing" fans, so I've at least had a lot of exposure. It was a great time. We got to hang out on the V.I.P. stage, which was above the writhing crowd but still close enough to the main stage so we had a great view. We got to hang out with the bands afterwards at one of the bars in the Roseland. We got to meet the other groupies who were following around the band and sleeping with various members. All in all it was a trip.

The thing that really blew my mind was watching the audience on the main floor. I think it was mostly teenagers, partly clothed, and moving almost as if possessed. At least four different people were crowd-surfing at any given minute, and looking down on the mosh pit made me really glad to be where I was. I watched people land on their heads, get ripped out of people's arms by security guards, and have large amounts of beverage flung in their face. Shirts, balloons, and inflated condoms flew over the crowd, landing on heads only to be lofted over the crowd for another voyage.

I'm convinced. I'm getting old. But at least I still make a pretty good voyeur. And now Shane has three guitar picks from the band-members of Everclear (Art, Craig and Dave).

Okay, I gotta stick a little non-sequitor down here: Tanya has launched TKTV's "Dawson's Creek" site! Check it out and send her your comments.

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2. Letters from the viewing audience

From Paul:
Have you seen the advertisement with the "dancing chicken?" The ad is for Shake 'n' Bake or Perdue or something (it makes you laugh so hard, you forget the sponsor.) There's a small seat and a person fastens the headless body into chair. Once it's locked in, the chair starts bouncing up and down like crazy making the body flail all around. If you haven't seen it already, keep your eyes open. It's the funniest simple commercial in a long time...

Note from TK: okay, yeah, I've seen this. It's a little disturbing. Okay, a LOT disturbing. Um, Paul, are you okay? :)
Letters from the viewing audience are always welcome. Please email any opinions, questions, comments, or random thoughts to TK at tk@tktv.net with the subject of "letters." Letters may be edited for length or content.

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3. Kim's Commercial Comments

Hello Netizens and thanks for taking the time to peruse my random thoughts, compliments, and complaints on the world of television advertising. Also, thanks to TK for accepting my column even though I was a half day late getting it submitted. My husband is running this email auction and is totally monopolizing the computer. I think I'm going to have to call my mom and find out how she handled this kind of thing when my brother and I used to fight over the TV. It's crazy. We're supposed to be grown-ups... we have "real" jobs, we have a mortgage, pets, etc. We sound like grown-ups, right? I know, but still I keep having to fight the urge to say, "It's MY turn to play on the computer! If you don't give it to me right now I'M TELLING!" :-)

Okay, enough about the lack of maturity in my household. On to the commercials!

What spot has me laughing? Maytag: FAME

"Stain! I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna ruin your shirt. Stain! May they remember my name..."

It's such a silly spoof it makes me laugh out loud. And the tune is so catchy I actually heard someone walking through my YMCA this week singing it! This spot opens almost like an episode of Solid Gold--the camera moves in quickly and passes through the lineup of "performers." In this case, the performers are an oddly animated selection of food and makeup stains brought to life. They jump and slide around to the beat of that once popular series, Fame.

In the midst of their celebration, the Maytag repairman enters the room, picks up the laundry basket their little party was happening in and dumps the clothes in the washer. "Say good night stains." As he closes the door, only two small stain characters remain. They have managed to escape by hiding behind the door.

They begin to sing in small, terrified voices. "I'm...gonna live...forever" Suddenly, from above them, a super-sized washer/dryer combo comes crashing down. The announcer says, "Now in a super stack."

(You can watch this spot in Quick Time 3.0 format at www.adcritic.com)

What spot has me cringing? Old Navy: Draw-string cargo pants

I won't argue that these stupid Old Navy spots have been unsuccessful for the company. In fact, I know they've been quite pleased with the results of this campaign. With that said, let me say this: These commercials drive me CRAZY! Yes--when I hear/see one of them the tune sticks in my head. And more than one person I know has mentioned these ads to me from time to time. Especially around Christmas with that whole "performance fleece" fiasco. But they're just downright annoying. The music is mundane; the acting is absent; and the dog... well the dog is just disturbing.

I like the stores. I like the clothes. But these commercials I can do without.

Until next week...

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4. TV Ramblings

Well, "Strange World" premiered last week. I'm missing "NYPD Blue," but giving this new show a chance. I think I'm going to have to see another couple episodes before I can really pass judgment, but I have to say now that someone is trying to be a little too much Chris Carter. Chris Carter is the creator of "The X-Files" and "Millennium," and "Strange World" not only used music that seems like it was taken directly from these two shows, but one of the guest stars in the premiere was the same woman who has had a recurring role on "Millennium." And all of this is above and beyond the basic premise of the show: Paul Turner has been affected by goverment conspiracy in a personal way, he has a mysterious informant, and he is trying to uncover what is really going on. Sound familiar?

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5. Don't miss

For details and lots more fun TV to look forward to, see
http://www.tktv.net/index.html?/upcoming.html

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6. Breaking Up is Hard To Do, Especially at 1am by Rebecca Howland

I admit it, albeit grudgingly.

Time after time, as the 1 am insomniac in me flips from channel to channel, I find myself settling with a sigh of resignation on number 11. The WB. In New York City, home of Change of Heart.

I'm utterly fascinated by the show.

It's the cynic's version of the Dating Game, the Love Connection's post-mortem. Couples who are doubting the strength of their love agree to be set up on blind dates, then show up for an on-air rehash. At the end of a half-hour, each decides whether they want to "stay together" or have a "change of heart."

If they stay together, they get a vacation. If they break up, they get to go on another date with the no-longer blind alternative.

Change of Heart is the instant-gratification will-they-won't-they plot line. On this show, you'll never have to suffer through five seasons of Ross and Rachel. All you have to do it keep your eyes open until 1:27 am and you get the whole scoop.

However, the show carries with it a palpably disturbing subtext - even scarier than the fact that we'll never see same-sex or interracial couples gracing our screens.

Has TV gotten so important, so acceptable, that it's OK to let a game show dictate our relationships?

I can understand the incentive to appear on shows like the Dating Game. After all, being single does feel like a crap shoot almost all the time. Who's to say you wouldn't have a better chance of meeting "the one" through a TV show versus a crowded smoky bar? Being single is absurd no matter how you slice it.

But what if you AREN'T single? You have another person you care about, another person you sleep with, the one person who crosses your mind every day. Call me a romantic, but you have someone who is ostensibly the most important person in your life.

So maybe you're having some problems. Maybe he's not paying enough attention to you. Maybe you think she's too needy. Maybe you suspect he's fooling around. Maybe she always puts her career first. What do you do? Talk to each other about it? Maybe talk to a counseler, friend, priest? I know! Go on national TV, get set up with other people, and THEN see how you feel...

WHAT???!!!!???

Isn't that breaking the cardinal rules everyone learned in Relationships 101? How could anyone, ever, think that was a good idea? Who are these people? Aspiring actors who talked a friend into playing a joke on the public? Hired actors who are given scripts to read? (If so, someone needs to invest a little more in the writers.) Can these people be for real?

Still, last week, one episode came close to redeeming the show.

One couple had come on at the man's behest, and it was clear that neither were terribly in to the whole concept. She was clearly miffed about being there in the first place. Although she admitted she'd done a little kissy-face with her blind date, her heart clearly wasn't in it.

Then, at the final, fateful will-they-wont-they climax when each member of the couple holds up their sign aloft, he held a up hand-made version. "Will you marry me?" it read.

So what if it was staged. It'll make a great story to tell their kids.

As for all the other contestants? You can't fix love through TV. Trust me. If you really want help, see a shrink.

TKTV is always looking for new guest writers. Do you have an idea for an article? Write to TK at tk@tktv.net with the subject of "guestwriter."

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7. Favorite Quotes of the Week

From "Sports Night"
"I understand what makes a woman think that any man is better than nothing. I'll just never understand what makes any woman think she's got nothing." -Jeremy

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8. A totally unrelated link

Quicktime Academy Award nominee trailers

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"Bother," said Pooh. "Eeyore, ready two photon torpedoes and lock phasers on the Heffalump. Piglet, meet me in transporter room 3. Christopher Robin, you have the bridge."