THE TKTV NEWSLETTER
Season 1, Episode 7 aired December 14, 1998

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CONTENTS
1. Intro
2. Responses to Episode 6
3. TV Ramblings
4. TK's tirade on "Beverly Hills 90210"
5. Don't miss
6. Favorite quotes of the week
7. A totally unrelated link

1. Intro

'Tis the season to get dressed up and go to a company holiday party. Wandering around New York these days I feel like I'm trapped at a college formal. There's always someone on the street in a killer dress or a nice tuxedo, and more likely than not they're stumbling drunk. Last Saturday I attended a company holiday party, although it wasn't for my company. That's cool though, 'cause it was a lot more swank than my company's going to pull off anytime soon. Dinner, drinks, and dancing on the Spirit of New York, a huge cruise ship that took us around the island of Manhattan (okay, not all the way around the island, but the important part is that we got a great view of the Statue of Liberty). After the boat docked, there was a little barhopping, and the night ended in this mid-town dive called "The Subway Inn." (For those of you who don't know me, my calling something a dive does not mean I didn't like it, it just means it's a dive.) There I am in a formal dress that's so long it drags on the ground if I don't stand up really straight, and I'm in a dark smoky bar with uneven floors and vinyl-covered chairs and a bartender who says, "You know, fifteen years ago I would have flirted with you," although somehow I didn't get a free drink out of him. And of course, there, sitting at the bar, is a whole different group of people in black dresses and tuxedoes.

So now that I've enjoyed my company holiday party for the season (although anyone can feel free to invite me to more), I can settle in for the holiday specials on TV. Christmas-time on TV becomes this strange conglomeration of Christmas episodes of your favorite shows, re-runs of your favorite shows, and total pre-emption of your favorite shows for the showing of Christmas movies. Looking at TV listings between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I think I've counted at least five showings of "It's a Wonderful Life" and six showings of either the original or the 90's version of "Miracle on 34th Street." Not that they aren't both great movies, but it still has to make you roll your eyes.

Does anyone know any show that's doing a Hanukkah special other than "The Nanny?" Happy Hanukkah, by the way. The first night was last night. Of course, today on the news I caught a quick glimpse of the world's biggest menorah. The guy lighting the first candle had to use a blowtorch and stand on a crane. What is the point of this?

I'm hoping that the TKTV Newsletter will remain consistent throughout the holiday season, but I apologize now if the schedule gets a little wacky. Most of you probably won't be checking your email as consistently anyway, so perhaps it will all work out. Send good present ideas along and I'll include them in next week's newsletter for the last-minute shopper. That would be me.

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2. Responses to Episode 6

From Erin:
Alright! I made the TKTV newsletter! Oh yes, they ARE that much fun to drive. Of course, I drive the little thing like it's a racecar, and every time I have a bad day and think about why the heck I am a systems analyst, I daydream about my next career as a racecar driver. :) I love those commercials too, especially the "clutch muscles" one.
From Rachel:
I think we again share a brain. Death to Buddy Lee!!!!!
From Alex:
I really like your newsletter by the way. It totally keeps me up to speed with what is going on on TV. My favorite comments recently were what Daphne had to say about "Party of Five." I totally agree with her about Sarah becoming a psychotic "self-righteous" bitch. She has totally been driving me crazy over this baby issue.
From Bren:
For Thanksgiving dinner, I had shrimp cocktail with a roasted red pepper sauce, and a bowl of butternut squash bisque, and pumpkin pie. I went to this fancy restaurant with my dad for this o-so-traditional brunch. The old days are gone!
From Jess:
You asked if anyone did anything different for Thanksgiving. Well, at my house we have steamed shrimp and fondue. Remember fondue? I think it was popular in the 70's or 80's. We do steak, mushrooms and hot dogs, that sort of thing, with several different dips that my mom prepares. We like it 'cause there is not a lot of preparation or clean up. Just wanted to let you in on our tradition! (Note from TK: mmmmm... fondue!)
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4. TV Ramblings

I just realized that Friday nights are like time warp nights. First, at 8pm, there's "Brimstone," where Zeke Stone has been brought back from hell, and since he died 15 years ago, there's a lot in the late 90's world that he doesn't know about. He's constantly being shocked by cell phones and the internet and references to things like the O.J. Simpson trial. And then there's "Buddy Faro." Buddy has spent the last twenty years drunk in a bowling alley in Mexico, and isn't quite prepared to acknowledge that he might not be up on the latest pop culture any longer. He manages to exist in his own little '70's bubble in Los Angeles.

Speaking of "Buddy Faro," in last week's episode about the teen movie star Cody Swift, I caught another glimpse of my old friend Judd Trichter. Newsletter subscribers will remember him from a Sprite Salary Cap Game ad earlier. Neato. It's kind of like Where's Waldo... Where's Judd.

Oh, and those Sprite Salary Cap Game ads! I can't make them the favorite ad again, but really, they've only gotten better since then. Have you seen the basketball players doing chores like cutting the hedges and mowing the lawn for pocket change? Or how about 1-800-TALL-GUY, where you can hire an NBA basketball player to do things like change light bulbs or get your cat off the roof? They're just so wonderful. Go, Sprite! Too bad I don't really drink Sprite....

Last Tuesday's episode of "The Hughleys," which was about Darryl going to see a shrink, was called "I'm Shrinnnking." So imagine my surprise when I tuned into "Sports Night," which comes on one hour after "The Hughleys" on ABC, and the first thing out of Isaac's mouth was, "I'm shrinking."

Poor Brenda Strong. First she's the much-hated braless-candy-bar-heiress on "Seinfeld." Then she's the rich bitch Kathleen on "Party of Five" who almost succeeds in taking away the family restaurant. Now she's the talentless and busty producer of the 2am segment on "Sports Night," dreaded by the team when they have to cover the 2am segment because the regular anchors are stuck in snow at an airport. Someday I'd like to see this actress get a role where everyone likes her. And wow, is she tall.

Last week, in the favorite ad section, I forgot to mention another great Volkswagen ad: the one where the guy in his office pushes his desk up to the window so that he can work with one arm hanging out as if it were a car window. Not only are they great ads, but strangely enough they make me want to drive a Volkswagen even though they don't actually feature the cars themselves.

So Chris Carter says Mulder and Scully will never get together, and yet every time there is a fake Mulder (like a shape-shifter or a random Area 51 employee taking over his life and appearance) he hits on Scully. It's just getting silly....

Yay! A little more cross-over between "The Practice" and "Ally McBeal." On "The Practice," Bobby finds Lucy wearing a headband with mistletoe on it, and Lucy tells him that her friend Elaine invented it. And wow, what a star-studded guest cast "The Practice" has had lately. All in last week's episode were Kathy Baker (from "Picket Fences"), Tempestt Bledsoe (from "The Cosby Show"), and Tony Danza (from "Who's the Boss?"). It was interesting to see Tempestt Bledsoe play such an entirely different character from Vanessa....

Spotted Meredith Monroe, who plays Pacey's new love interest Andie on "Dawson's Creek," in a Ford Explorer Sport ad. She definitely does not seem like a teenager in the ad. I wonder how old she is in real life?

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4. TK's tirade on "Beverly Hills 90210"

For some reason, this past week's "Beverly Hills 90210" made me need to speak out. I have followed this show, more or less, since its inception when I was a sophomore in high school, and thanks to daytime re-runs here on the WB, I don't think there's an episode I haven't seen. I must say, however, that lately, BH90210 has become less and less distinct from the Spelling trash on Mondays, "Melrose Place." Much like Melrose, characters change personalities on a weekly basis, and no one seems to retain any sort of long-term memory. The recycling of boyfriends and girlfriends has gone beyond any sort of reasonable measure, and if Donna saves one more starving orphan (or drug addicted teen, or girl trying to get out of a gang, or sweat-shop worker) and if Kelly gets any more self-righteous (about her lawyer friend representing a wife-beater, about her lawyer friend representing tobacco companies, about her mother honoring her grandfather's living will) I might just be ill.

I will say, however, that I was excited to see Luke Perry return as Dylan McKay. Yeah, it was a ratings gimmick, but it was a GREAT ratings gimmick. I'm glad that they're so far doing an okay job of bringing him back WITH his past. He's not just going to pick up as "one of the gang," he's still the tortured bad-boy outsider with an ego that he's always been. (Although when did he become such good friends with David?) I'm glad that he dealt with the memories attached to his car (in which his wife was shot), and I'm glad that his barbs exchanged with Gina were not exactly like his first meeting with Val, and yet strangely reminiscent. I'm a little upset by the fact that he's been drinking since he's been back. Isn't he a recovering alcoholic? Ah well, I suppose Dylan McKay doesn't have to live by the same rules that other recovering alcoholics do. I'm not sure about this whole burning money and doing heroin thing that they've started. Couldn't he do something sensible like give the money to charity? And why is he suddenly going to do heroin that a dealer gave him totally unsolicited. Random random random. There were so many things in that scene that bothered me.

And then there are all the new people on show. You gotta be careful with those new people. That's another thing I can't stand about Melrose... I don't know who anyone is anymore. Gina I'm psyched about because I'm a fan of Vanessa Marcil's from her days on "General Hospital." Not that I think she's a fabulous actor or anything, I just find her so beautiful to watch. Although she's not a bad actor... okay, I'll just take my foot out of my mouth and move on. I'm glad that it seems like she might no longer be after her holier-than-thou cousin, Donna. As much as Donna annoys me, people constantly taking advantage of her naivete annoy me too. Poor Lindsay Price... she's been slowly but surely introduced over an entire season, but she's still not part of the gang, and even though she's now in the opening credits it doesn't seem like her role is any bigger. She has to do more than nag Steve and sleep with Steve. And Daniel Cosgrove as Matt... could they be any more obvious about trying to get a Jason Priestly look-alike? Now that it looks Matt is going to stop mooning over Kelly who treated him like crap, he could be interesting. His exit line to Kelly when she dumped him for Dylan was great: "On the one hand, there's this guy you used to have a thing with. On the other hand, there's this really great guy you're missing out on." Okay, I'm not sure that quote was perfect, but pretty close. What will Kelly do when Dylan doesn't jump every time she doesn't approve of what he's doing?

So, okay, I'm not giving up on this show yet, but it's in a probationary period. I'm glad all the cast changes for the season are over. Now we can settle in and see what they're going to do with what they've created. Now if Dylan's hairline would just stop receding....

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5. Don't miss

For details and lots more fun TV to look forward to, see
http://www.tktv.net/upcoming.html

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6. Favorite Quotes of the Week

From "Buddy Faro"
"Who in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is this dandy?" -Buddy

From "NYPD Blue"
"As hard as it is to believe, keeping the tank right for the fish is less a pain in the balls than adjusting for the plants. I gotta keep adjusting the water ph, and the light has to be just right." -Andy
"I never realized it was that complicated." -Danny
"It isn't complicated, as long as you keep up with it. You stay in tune, you're willing to adjust, then you keep a healthy tank. You keep a healthy tank, then you call yourself a guy that knows fish. You follow me, Danny?" -Andy

and

"The only mystery is how much making a dope outta myself I let my wife intimidate myself into." -Andy

From "The Practice"
"Maybe it's time to change a stupid, ridiculous, God-awful, laugh-out-loud dumb law!" -Roberta
"There's always that." -Judge

and

"Can I ask you something? Are we a couple? I mean, a couple-in waiting...." -Bobby

From "Port Charles"
"Well, if I stay there any longer, sooner or later it's bound to get physical again." -Lucy
"I vote for sooner!" -Scotty

From "The X-Files"
"Once upon a time, there was a guy with the improbable name of Fox Mulder. He started out life happily enough, as these things go. He had parents who loved him, a cute kid sister. He had a roof over his head, got all his flu shots, had all his fingers and toes, and beside from being stuck with the name Fox, which probably taught him how to fight, or not, he pretty much led a normal life. But the worst thing by far, the biggest kick in the slats this kid Fox ever got, was what happened to his sister. One day, she just disappeared. Now Fox buckled down and worked his butt off. Graduated top of his class at Oxford, then top of his class as the FBI academy. None of that hard work made up for his sister though, it was a just a way of putting her out of his mind. Finally, the way I figure it, HE went out of his mind, and he's been that way ever since. Fox Mulder pissed away a brilliant career, lost the respect of supervisors and friends, and now lives his life shaking his fist at the sky and muttering about conspiracies to anyone who will listen. If you ask me, he's one step away from pushing a baby carriage filled with tin cans down the street. But now, all that's gonna change." -Morris Fletcher

From "General Hospital"
"It's already been frozen. Here's Jerry Jacks asking a big strong blonde man for a kiss. Yes, friends, it's already ice-skating season in Hades." -Jerry Jacks

From "To Have and To Hold"
"Is that the dress you want to be buried in? 'Cause I'm going to kill you for talking me into this." -Carolyn

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7. A totally unrelated link

Nikki's 1997 AOL Collection - What can you make out of spare AOL CD's?

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It's a loaded dreidle.